Eleven years...

It's weird to think of how much my life has changed in the past 11 years. I get to be married to a fantastic man, have two beautiful boys, have an amazing family and terrific friends...so many blessings, so many wonderful things.

I guess one of the craziest things though, is how I can still remember the hurt so clearly. However, it's true that time does heal all wounds, because although I can remember, I don't feel it everyday anymore. The pain has dulled and I am grateful for that. Instead of a raw gaping hole, over the past 11 years it's slowly closed and is now a bruise. A bruise that I am so thankful for because when a memory presses against it, the sharp sting reminds me of every wonderful moment shared.

Every year I say that maybe the next year I'll write out our whole story. But each year comes and I can't. Maybe I'm scared. Scared that reliving each moment will puncture my fragile bruise causing me to spend years patching it again. Or maybe it will make it all final and the memories will fade and eventually disappear. As much as I can't chance the wound reopening, I can't risk forgetting either.

So once again I'll just have to say that I was lucky enough to love and be loved by someone who changed my life eternally. Someone who taught me so much and touched me so deeply that even after his death, he is still teaching me.

From the first time I saw him smile when I was 13, I knew he was different, special. He has not disappointed me, my best friend.

02/09/1974-06/22/1997

~Tell me a secret. I think you're beautiful.